So there I was.... a brand new "old" IP nurse on a very busy medical/surgical floor in a very busy community hospital. I had my lil shiny new stethoscope and running shoes.... yes nurses wear running shoes... and it is with good reason! You are either running to the nurses station to get the orders for labs, medications, wound dressing changes or the like, or.... running to the patient to give the above mentioned meds, draw blood (or obtain samples from other various orifices) change or apply dressings to wounds. And of course in the middle of all this, you must be ready to get a call from a doctor (could be any from the various teams) to change said orders, or send the patient home. Did I mention during all this you must AT ALL TIMES be completely aware of how your patient looks, feels and what his/her vital signs are telling ME how they really feel! Well you do.... and not just for 1 patient.... but for all the patients you are assigned! It was possible to have 5 patients that you did full care for, but usually you had your patients AND were responsible for the 2 patients that your LVN was caring for. So the LVN gives the oral medications to her patients (and if time allows, a couple of yours too), and you, the RN, were responsible for the IV meds, and labs for these patients too. In addition to this, you were also legally responsible for ALL of the nursing care, even if you didn't personally do it.
If you think this is not so bad.... try it sometime.
If you were lucky, you had 2 or maybe 3 patients that had ONE issue.... let's say gallstones, with only one team of MD's advising. That would be REALLY lucky... because at a county hospital, you are treating the sickest of the sick in the community. The patients would most likely have additional health issue, like uncontrolled diabetes, renal failure, hepatitis, TB or a host of other things. So your patient with pneumonia would already have a compromised immune system and treating something, like pneumonia, would be doubly hard. In addition to the increased physiological difficulty of the patient, he/she would then have additional medical teams to communicate with as well. Let's use the example of a patient with pneumonia who has ongoing renal issues. This patient would have a a "medical team A" (they handle mundane issues like pneumonia), and a "renal team" (the kidney doc team) so that person would have 2 separate teams working on them. As the RN, it would be your job (legally and morally) to coordinate the care between the teams.
Oh did I mention that the county hospital that I worked for is a "teaching" hospital?? So this means that the "team of docs" (on each team) were also doctors in residency...ie... they were learning during all this care. Usually the MD teams would visit the patients early in the morning.... formulate the patient "plan of care" (POC) for the day. The resident had to present his/her POC to the Attending MD. The attending MD already had predetermined ideas as to how the care for these patients was going to take place. The wonderful thing about teaching hospitals is that there is a large volume of patients. It gives the all the health care employees a chance to really become familiar with a variety of health issues. By seeing a lot of the very sick patients, you are better skilled at identifying a symptom or situation that is not running the "normal" pathway. This allows residents to become familiar with various situations and the ability to formulate the POC independently, then, once approved, to be carried out. Part of this learning process involves the attending stepping back and allowing the resident to "figure it out on his/her own".... which is really the only way "critical thinking" is developed. It's a very supportive environment for the residents. They get to see POC's formulated and carried out numerous times. The philosophy at the hospital is "See one, Do one, Teach one". Which is an AWESOME learning method!! Teaching what you you learn really cements the information. Of course, this is done in varying levels... and with each additional year education, the resident rec'd increased privileges and responsibilities. Blah Blah Blah.... all this to say there sometimes were "layers" to physician care.
If the POC isn't going smoothly, usually a call to the attending will remedy it and get the ball rolling.... but you also had to deal with the ruffled feathers of the resident who you just undermined. Of course, undermining anyone was never an intention, you are just trying to "coordinate" a care plan that had some "wrinkles".
Now this brings me back to the patient who has more than one team of MD's. Sometimes, the teams do not play well together. On occassion (enough that I bring this up) one team will modify, or cancel out the orders of another team. You being the "coordinator of all care" sometimes feels like the steel marble in a pin ball machine.... being batted form one area to another. It can be even more upsetting to the poor patient who wants to know why this RN keeps "changing her mind" about the care of the patient. Even if there aren't conflicting orders, there sometimes are delays as one team waits for another team to finish their POC before implementing their own POC. And with that, I return to the fact that RNs' wear running shoes!
I imagine that some of you may be wondering what that heck any of this has to do with the Blessings that I received personally. I need to relate to you how intense the environment on a busy med/surg ward can be. The fact that you are interacting with a variety of personalities, and levels of skill, make you learn to trust your instincts. You learn that even though someone may have "the title" to tell you what to do, they may not have the skill, or haven't had the time to really investigate your need, to really guide you. When you "just know" something is wrong..... it usually is. Listen to the voice.... He is telling you to listen.
If you ever want to say thanks to an RN for what she/he does, go to any County hospital and take a tray of fruit to the med/surg ward staff. These are the hardest working people in the hospital! I know I probably will get some slack for this from my Labor and Delivery friends, but at least we, on occassion, will get a grateful patient who returns with her baby to show us what our hard work helped produce. I've yet to see a patient return to tell us how much the care for their gallstones meant to him/her! Not that those patients aren't out there.... but .. well I think you know what I mean. :)
Like I sometimes do, you may skip parts of a book that get a bit boring to get right to the "good stuff"... like... say the big Blessings I rec'd or the miracles I witnessed. This is one of those posts that's a building block to a future post with a purpose. Without this info, the rest might be as clear as mud!! So I ask for your patience. I have to say that for the first year of my nursing practice, I probably threw up just about every evening after my shift. Sorry for the gross out factor, but it is pretty grueling having so much responsibility thrown on our shoulders. One day you are a student nurse and it seems like the next you ARE the nurse. I was sooooo BLESSED!!! Every day that I cried, and felt overwhelmed, He was there. I didn't realize all the Blessings I had received (my own little forest).... and because of the HIPPA laws I can't tell you what some of the issues that I came across were. Just that I was, and am, really really Blessed by God!!!! There is a reason why nursing is said to be a "calling" from God. Nursing school brochures do a lot to "romance" the position of the RN with all the technical skills you will obtain, how you will always have a job blah de blah blah blah. But when you get right down to the basics, it takes a lot humility, a lot of courage and His guiding hand to care for another person through their most difficult, or most precious, times. You have to know when to "blend into the background" and when to "take the lead" in the journey.
I've found some of the most honorable moments for me as an RN, and as a person, have been when my patient's illness was terminal. These patients, and their families, revealed what being a nurse is all about. It's difficult to put into words, how great an impact caring for these people have been to me. I have always been a "hand holder" in my practice. There seems to be some reassurance in hand holding..... and I admit, sometimes the patient was reassuring me! I now know that He was relaying that spiritual touch through me, or to me.
I've always believed that we are both "teacher" and "student". For me the teaching/learning moments sometimes have blended edges. For I may go into the moment thinking I am teaching and end up with the lesson! The intensity of love has never been more pure to me than when someone is born or when someone dies. This passing from one state into the next is the most intense and pure thing I've ever witnessed. It's a moment that can bring catches you off guard, tears come to your eyes and time just ....pauses..... it just stops, if ever so briefly. One moment in time and you know life for this family is forever changed . It's like watching the second hand on a clock... with each second, your brain wraps around the auditory "click, the swift visual movement from one dot to the next on the clock face. Time is invisible yet palpable..... you just "feel" it. When watching someone take what is their few remaining earthly breaths, you find yourself holding your own, almost willing the the oxygen to flow from your own lungs to theirs. I'm ashamed to admit there were times that I looked at the clock and thought "not on my shift".... only X amount of time and this will not be on MY shift!!!!! I didn't know it at the time, but it never was on MY shift.... it was on His. I experienced these incredibly powerful gifts at the time when He needed to give them...to me, to my patients, to their families, to my co-workers, to my family ...to everyone that needed to receive them. You see there isn't anywhere in a hospital where He isn't providing something. You may be there as a patient or as a healer, in one minute your are one, then the other. God is the Healer of all things. His love shines through and He knows our plan before we even get a brief thought of it I truly feel that God Blessed me with the gift of service to Him even in my own ignorance . During these most intimate of moments, words are not needed, a gentle touch, a hand held and His love is passed from one to another. I am so thankful that He Blessed me with each and every person in my care. Though I didn't know it then, these gifts will last me through this lifetime and I truly believe, into my next. I testify that these things are true and in His Glory.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
My RN adventures begin
In nursing school, they teach you the basics of anatomy, nursing procedures like Iv's , the effects of pharmacology on the body and how and what to do to keep patients moving toward "normal". That is the basics in laymen terms. In addition to learning how to care for an actual patient, you also have t0 learn HOW to pass the board exams.
This is a nerve racking experience that the nurse only has to do once (as long as she keeps her license up to date). There are special classes one can pay for (and I did) to teach you how to "pass the boards". I personally found most of them to be useless, that knowing the info would be the key. For the test, you have I believe 6 hours max.... and the test is computer generated. A question is asked and if you answer it correctly, they give you a harder question, answer that correctly and the sequence is repeated (another harder question) until you miss a question. THEN they ask you an easier question and you start the "routine" all over again. From what I understand, the reasoning behind this methodology is a "knowledgable nurse" will have more swings in the up side (answering harder question is going up) than down (missing a question). Once the person has sustained the pattern for the predetermined time, the exam is over. There are a few catches...... first one is they also throw in 5-10 questions that are "new" to the exam..... in essence "guinea pig" questions. They will not count in this exam, but are being tested for future use. If enough people validate the question by actually answering it correctly, they may use it in a future exam for others. The second catch is the test can be as short as 75 questions long or....to 265 questions long. It depends if you are able to keep the rhythm going up enough to satisfy the computer that you are indeed knowledgable! You do not now if you passed or failed.... the machine just turns off and away you go to worry until the results are posted online in a few days. I think this is where some nurses learn to smoke! There is an above average number of health care workers who smoke .... weird info indeed!
I am a fast test taker. I either know it, or I don't. I found that I could talk myself out of correct answers to tests when I tried to mull over the question. I "reasoned" an answer. So knowing this, I prepared myself to just go with my gut and do it. I know it.... or I don't! I took my test in 45 minutes..... the machine cut off at 75 questions and I up to walk out. I think the others who started the test around me surely thought I gave up, I could feel their tension, but I KNEW I had passed. I admit that I thought I did this all on my own, but He was taking this test with me..... which is kinda cheating because He knows everything! LOL So I passed..... and I was elated! Jamey also passed! We are polar opposites on tests! lol She taked FOREVER (she knows I love her).... I know this because, as her best friend, I would sit quietly and wait for her to finish every test in every class we had together. She was always sure she failed.... but she did not.... she is an awesome RN and I would trust my life to her (and I did, during my back surgery hospital stay, she stayed with me the first night so that I could rest.... I was sure something would happen and the staff nurses wouldn't be there!). Anyway... back to the NCLEX.... Jamey took the test in several hours.... and she also got 75 questions! She was so sure she failed and I was so sure she passed! God was with us both during this time (as always) guiding us. I so wish I would have realized this then, but knowing it now makes it so much sweeter to me.
Before you get your actual license, a new nurse can work as an "in progress" nurse... an IP. This is what is printed on your hospital badge... I guess so the docs won't point to us in an emergency and expect us to know what the heck we are doing!!
Maybe some new nurses know more than I did, I can only tell you how it was for me. I felt like a deer with my eyes wide open just before the car crashes into it at 65 mph! It never seemed like it would be possible to have fear and elation at the same moment, but that is the best analogy that I can think of. I guess like going over the first hill on a super high roller coaster.... not knowing what is in store at the next curve and screaming your head off (internally at work) in sheer fright and joy! Of course, with that pasted on "I know what I am doing" smile. lol I still smile at how my first year as an RN... what an awesome experience!
I told you I might get these Blessings out of order, so bear with me as I back up just a bit here...
I graduated in Dec 2007 with about 200+ other nurses. Everyone was interviewing for any job possible.... the area had never had so many new nurses available at the same time. I was a complete wreck, I was positive that this whole thing had been a mistake, here I was 48 years old, a squeeky clean new nurse with her IP and a bad back. Who in their right mind would want me??? Again, Jamey was my guiding Angel. He knew I needed her to guide me... she took me shopping and helped me buy a couple of suits (I felt completely inept - still do... a style maven I am not!). She worked on my resume and built my confidence up. Mind you, she was still in school and working on me! A true loving Sister!! When others were looking for any interview, God provided me with two. I had both interviews the same week I graduated, one on the same day even! Jesus, my Lord and Savior, was holding my hand through this.... because I was offered both jobs! The first was in maternal child (what I really wanted) at a hospital that was 45 minutes from me, and the other on a medical/surgical floor at a local hospital. I really wanted the maternal child, but my husband was worried about me traveling so much. After much contemplation, I chose the local hospital and the med/surg unit. Now I know this was another Blessing and a little tree planted for me. :) :) I want to take this moment and thank Him for these many Blessings. I truly thought these were my feats and accomplishments... I was so very brash... thinking I was pretty good. Truthfully was I pretty full of myself. Oh yes, I used phrases like "Blessed" and threw His name around a bit, but Honestly, I didn't "get it". But I do now!!!!! :) :)
This is a nerve racking experience that the nurse only has to do once (as long as she keeps her license up to date). There are special classes one can pay for (and I did) to teach you how to "pass the boards". I personally found most of them to be useless, that knowing the info would be the key. For the test, you have I believe 6 hours max.... and the test is computer generated. A question is asked and if you answer it correctly, they give you a harder question, answer that correctly and the sequence is repeated (another harder question) until you miss a question. THEN they ask you an easier question and you start the "routine" all over again. From what I understand, the reasoning behind this methodology is a "knowledgable nurse" will have more swings in the up side (answering harder question is going up) than down (missing a question). Once the person has sustained the pattern for the predetermined time, the exam is over. There are a few catches...... first one is they also throw in 5-10 questions that are "new" to the exam..... in essence "guinea pig" questions. They will not count in this exam, but are being tested for future use. If enough people validate the question by actually answering it correctly, they may use it in a future exam for others. The second catch is the test can be as short as 75 questions long or....to 265 questions long. It depends if you are able to keep the rhythm going up enough to satisfy the computer that you are indeed knowledgable! You do not now if you passed or failed.... the machine just turns off and away you go to worry until the results are posted online in a few days. I think this is where some nurses learn to smoke! There is an above average number of health care workers who smoke .... weird info indeed!
I am a fast test taker. I either know it, or I don't. I found that I could talk myself out of correct answers to tests when I tried to mull over the question. I "reasoned" an answer. So knowing this, I prepared myself to just go with my gut and do it. I know it.... or I don't! I took my test in 45 minutes..... the machine cut off at 75 questions and I up to walk out. I think the others who started the test around me surely thought I gave up, I could feel their tension, but I KNEW I had passed. I admit that I thought I did this all on my own, but He was taking this test with me..... which is kinda cheating because He knows everything! LOL So I passed..... and I was elated! Jamey also passed! We are polar opposites on tests! lol She taked FOREVER (she knows I love her).... I know this because, as her best friend, I would sit quietly and wait for her to finish every test in every class we had together. She was always sure she failed.... but she did not.... she is an awesome RN and I would trust my life to her (and I did, during my back surgery hospital stay, she stayed with me the first night so that I could rest.... I was sure something would happen and the staff nurses wouldn't be there!). Anyway... back to the NCLEX.... Jamey took the test in several hours.... and she also got 75 questions! She was so sure she failed and I was so sure she passed! God was with us both during this time (as always) guiding us. I so wish I would have realized this then, but knowing it now makes it so much sweeter to me.
Before you get your actual license, a new nurse can work as an "in progress" nurse... an IP. This is what is printed on your hospital badge... I guess so the docs won't point to us in an emergency and expect us to know what the heck we are doing!!
Maybe some new nurses know more than I did, I can only tell you how it was for me. I felt like a deer with my eyes wide open just before the car crashes into it at 65 mph! It never seemed like it would be possible to have fear and elation at the same moment, but that is the best analogy that I can think of. I guess like going over the first hill on a super high roller coaster.... not knowing what is in store at the next curve and screaming your head off (internally at work) in sheer fright and joy! Of course, with that pasted on "I know what I am doing" smile. lol I still smile at how my first year as an RN... what an awesome experience!
I told you I might get these Blessings out of order, so bear with me as I back up just a bit here...
I graduated in Dec 2007 with about 200+ other nurses. Everyone was interviewing for any job possible.... the area had never had so many new nurses available at the same time. I was a complete wreck, I was positive that this whole thing had been a mistake, here I was 48 years old, a squeeky clean new nurse with her IP and a bad back. Who in their right mind would want me??? Again, Jamey was my guiding Angel. He knew I needed her to guide me... she took me shopping and helped me buy a couple of suits (I felt completely inept - still do... a style maven I am not!). She worked on my resume and built my confidence up. Mind you, she was still in school and working on me! A true loving Sister!! When others were looking for any interview, God provided me with two. I had both interviews the same week I graduated, one on the same day even! Jesus, my Lord and Savior, was holding my hand through this.... because I was offered both jobs! The first was in maternal child (what I really wanted) at a hospital that was 45 minutes from me, and the other on a medical/surgical floor at a local hospital. I really wanted the maternal child, but my husband was worried about me traveling so much. After much contemplation, I chose the local hospital and the med/surg unit. Now I know this was another Blessing and a little tree planted for me. :) :) I want to take this moment and thank Him for these many Blessings. I truly thought these were my feats and accomplishments... I was so very brash... thinking I was pretty good. Truthfully was I pretty full of myself. Oh yes, I used phrases like "Blessed" and threw His name around a bit, but Honestly, I didn't "get it". But I do now!!!!! :) :)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
My First Post! <------- start here!
My first Blog..... my first post! Okay.... now what?? I guess the first thing should be an introduction, though for the people who care the most about me, an introduction isn't necessary. You will most definitely encounter grammatical and spelling errors..... especially if I get long winded. I imagine I won't always have the time to fix everything. So for this, I ask that you bear with me and be patient. :)
The first thing I need to explain is the Exclamation Points!!! No I am not yelling! No I'm not.... nu uh.... okay, okay...sometimes I might be. More often than not, and again, those who know me can skip this part, I am merely showing enthusiasm! I am the type that is really enthusiastic, a "go getter", "Joyful and Happy". Most of the time! So the relate my "euphoria. ", I use the exclam....more than most people do. I have to laugh with people who meet me in person after meeting online..... they always say.. "You are exactly as you type"! LOL And, it's true.... I am a happy person. Oh and I like to use the lil happy faces in my posts as well.... :) . So fair warning..... my enthusiasm may be contagious, and I hope so!
What are my goals with this blog??? To share my life in a meaningful way. To have a means to review my own feelings posted and deed performed. I'm hoping this format will evolve into a place that helps others find Joy, Peace and the Love that I have found in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is awesome!! Yes... I am shouting now :)
Have I always had Jesus in my heart.... yes, ...have I always followed him, no. At times, I denied He existed, I denied Him to my children and I denied that He was the Savior of all mankind. So how could I possibly say I always had Jesus in my heart? He never gave up on me, He continued living in me and through the Holy Spirit testified to me the good in the world, He continued to provide miracles and Blessings for me and my family even when I denied Him. Of course, as a sinner who hadn't accepted His forgiveness, I continued to me lost. Not a bad person, I helped others, felt the glow of giving etc., but knew there was "something missing"... I just didn't "get it". My daugher, my firstborn whom I Love with all my heart, asked me recently about Christians. What was "it" that they had that was so different? She said that she felt kind of like she was "left out" about this. As a sinner, I scoffed it off... saying something as horrible like they were suckers for believing that story. In a time of her need, I felt my own shame at not "getting it" and because I let my pride speak instead of my heart, I denied her the gift of saying "I don't know the answer". I mocked Christ and those who followed him and for this I am so ashamed. Even as I said these things to her my conscience was already telling me I was WRONG. It would however, take weeks for this to "worry me into action".
The afternoon was ordinary.... I'd been sick with Bronchitis for 3 weeks, but holding my own. I started thinking about my daughters question to me and asked aloud "if you are real.. show me". I am most definitely a "show me the money" kind of girl! I wanted proof.... Faith, what was Faith? How could I believe in something that had no tangible qualities? I stated talking aloud to God.... questioning at first... then pleading. I found myself crying openly and asking for some answers! The thought suddenly came to me as "a tree". A Tree?? A Tree? I thought what in the world? I ask for answers and proof and I got a Tree!?? I was crying my living room, pleading for an answer and He gives me a tree! Then I suddenly understood... but for the tree, I could not see the forest. And I was able to back up and see past the tree and see this lush green forest. I actually had these images in my mind. You see, God had given me and my family so many Miracles and Blessings as proof that He is the King of Kings, the one and true God!!!
I began to realize the blessings that I'd rec'd and how He always has a plan for us. That He guides us and that All things are Blessings, we may just not realize it in right away or even in this earthly life. I'll list a few, which may seem out of order, but truly are testimony that He has a plan for us at all times.
I have arthritis in my joints and fibromyalgia that can be quite debilitating. I had been going to physical therapists to cope with the pain, but basically it was dealt with by resting most of the time and taking pain pills. I was by no means addicted or using too much meds, I just wasn't living my life and my family wasn't any happier with it either. I was using a walker to get around. I had switched to yet another physical therapist , named Lori, who has a spirit that is just awesome!! She worked on my body and her love for life was just contagious.... that I dared to ask if I could improve from the walker to a cane. Lori worked on my body and shared her cycling adventures with me. I was so excited to hear about them that I dared to dream a new existence for myself. With a couple of years of hard work, I finally was able to walk with a cane and made the big announcement that I was going to go to college and become a nurse! Everyone was supportive of me, but I knew that they weren't sure I was going to be able to do it. It was much harder than I dared even to know!
I had decided to become a LVN.... and went to the local Adult School where they teach the classes. I enrolled in the medical math class, and learned that I needed to obtain a nurses aid certificate as a pre-requisite. A local nursing home held classes that taught you how and obtain the license to do this. I had a fabulous teacher, and I wish I could remember her name, but it escapes me. She does not, she was just so nice and caring and really wanted everyone to be exceptional. Her enthusiasm for patient care stayed with me always. We went through all the classroom info and I excelled... even better than I thought I could. It was also here that I met my best friend Jamey. She is one of the kindest, smartest, loving people on this planet and I truly believe we are Spirit Sisters! Jamey kept me laughing when I was tired, filled my heart with laughter when I was weak, and provided me hope when I wanted to give up! The program was very strict. Jamey and I studied together and supported one another. We were not allowed even one absence and the one regret I have is missing my son's college graduation ceremony. I still am heavy hearted on this decision. We started clinical and I found it was really hard physically, but I had such a great joy in heart helping and caring for my patients. The love they shared with me, kept me coming back even though my body suffered and I was in great pain every night.. We were saddened to learn our instructor had a death in her family and had to leave us for a week. We had a substitute instructor and she was just as strict about the rules. The first rule was that we ALL had to be present to begin clinical..... which meant everyone waited in the parking lot until EVERYONE was there. Punctuality was demanded. I've pretty much always feared being late... so was usually one of the first people there.
One morning I was trying to get to clinical, but for some reason, my brain was not working right. I was confused I was in my car and Jamey kept calling me on the cell phone telling me they were waiting. I would tell them I am on my way... but the car was just not right, I was driving and found myself in a neighbors driveway and them looking at me like I was drunk or something. And that wouldn't have been far off the mark, but I didn't know I was reacting to a medication at the time.
The first miracle (that I am listing here anyway) was He watched over my car and kept me from running over or into anyone. How I made it there, I truly do not remember! Once there I knew something was wrong with me and I told Jamey and my classmates once I arrived to the parking lot. Our instructor went inside before us and I immediately told Jamey that I was going to have to tell the instructor that I was feeling sick, kind of like drunk though I hadn't had anything to drink or anything that I knew of that would make me feel this way. She, and all my classmates, pleaded with me not to, to just lay low and they would help me get through the day. But, the honest person I am, I told the truth and was immediately dismissed for the day. I went home and cried and cried. I finally realized that the medication I rec'd for an ear infection, plus my regular medications combined into a lil toxic stew that basically left me driving and behaving in an altered state. I am so thankful that I didn't harm anyone by driving to and from the nursing home!!! The next day, I went to the school administration with the medications in hand to plead my case. Since the instructor would decide if I could continue or not I had to wait for her to come back the following week. When she returned I went to her and explained the issue, which she said she had already heard about it. She told me that she was very upset that I was not allowed to return the following day and that she understood what had happened. She told me I was one of her very best students (I still am thankful for this compliment), but the curriculum was structured in such a manner that one couldn't miss a week and continue. I could restart the program later (which was months later) and continue. Unfortunately, the LVN class that I wanted to start had this class as a prerequisite. My heart was so sorrowful. God is so kind and loving, He brought Jamey into my life to show me the way! Jamey and I had talked about many things, one of which was her belief in Jesus Christ as her personal Savior. I was pretty much in awe of this relationship, but too prideful to admit that I didn't also have this. Jamey loved me in spite of my lack of religion. She continued to care for me and stayed in touch with me as she finished the program and got her certificate of completion. She began working at the nursing home and she would share with me the gifts she rec'd from the patients. To be honest, I was thrilled for her and a little jealous that I was missing out. I told Jamey that I was waiting to start all over again, when she asked me why I didn't just go for the Registered Nurse degree instead. Wow! Me a RN?? I truly didn't this this was an option. I dared not hope or dream with big yet. With Jamey's enthusiasm and very high hopes, I started my adventure in nursing.
Jamey and I took all our RN program pre-req's together. Oh what an adventure! We'd study together, drink gallons of starbucks and pass our classes. That makes it seem like it was a breeze, but it wasn't. It was HARD work. I learned so much, and the most surprising was that I can be a really good student! In high school I was a poor student.... C and D average. I had no ambition, and will leave the whole high school thing for another day to explain. Though here, with Jamey's encouragement I excelled. I got A's right and left and my professors would compliment not only my work, but my enthusiasm. This didn't always bode with with my classmates, but that again I will save for later. We passed all our classes and the time came for RN school. In our area, one gets into a lottery pool until you get picked. The fall class pick was done and neither Jamey or I were chosen. We licked our wounds and took even more classes so we could be eligible for the State college RN program soon too. Jamey got a letter stating she needed to report to the Nursing education office regarding a special program that was available for the first time by way of o State of CA grant. I thought my letter must still be in the mail, so went with Jamey to the nursing office. My hopes were dashed when I learned that my letter was not lost, it just wasn't sent. They had drawn the names again for the program and I wasn't picked. I was so happy for Jamey and I admit I was lustful in heart. I Love my Sister sooooooo much and was thankful that at least one of us got into the program! It was Jameys idea that I go to the classes in case someone dropped out. She figured that class was a last minute thing and someone may have trouble finding Daycare or something. So I gathered all my lists of grades, letters of reference from my professors and I went with Jamey. There was a mandatory meeting for all the future RN's and it was spelled out in great detail that the RN program is a difficult thing to do in 2 years, but that this special program would be the first to make RN's out of us in 18 months. We (or "they" at the time) would be an experiment!
I went to the first class with Jamey and tried to explain to the instructor my plans to be a back-up student, but they fell on deaf ears... only actual students could be in the room. So I waited in the hallway until I was sure nobody was leaving. Jamey called me during breaks to update me on what they learned.... and she kept up hope that it would happen for me. I was not so sure.... but she had faith! The next thing I know, Jamey is calling me telling me to hurry up, someone is dropping out.... and I raced to the school! I found that the school had already made provisions for 1 person as an alternate....and she stepped in. My heart really sank, I knew that I really was going to have to wait for the next semester to roll around and Pray I get picked. Then it happened. It was the 3rd day of class and someone couldn't get daycare....a spot opened up. Jamey again, quick to phone and I was like lightening.... I truly deserved a speeding ticket this day! I was soooooo nervous, but determined! I waited in the nursing office to speak to the Dean...who wasn't expecting my visit. I planted myself in the lobby, stating I wasn't going until I was able to speak with her. Kindly she allowed my visit and I put my shoulders back, walked in and pleaded my case for the open seat. I presented my grades, my letters of recommendation and, most importantly, my enthusiasm! Dean Drake was kind enough to hear me, and told me this was not the normal approach for nursing school. I told her, or rather pleaded with her, that I could step in and go right now. I was told that I would be expected to pick up right where they were and no leniency would be shown for my missing the previous classes. So off I went, breathless, into nursing school. No idea that this would be such a wild and wacky adventure filled with super high peaks and low, low low valleys. Jamey, the sweet sister that she is, helped me catch up. We again tackled the studying and drank gallons of coffee. :) There are a thousand blogs with nursing school tales, I will save all the details with the exception of a few. The first is that because I came in late, and with special circumstances, there were a few students who held me in contempt for getting in as I had. There were some who went to the Dean and complained so much that the Dean called me in to tell me that there were going to be fellow students who "are not your friends". I was horrified and very sad that ANYONE would be mad at me, having someone mad at me is really hard. I am the "peacemaker". So this was very difficult for me and I shed many tears trying to prove myself worthy to those who were angry. Jamey again stood by my side, and I honestly would have left had it not been for her. Again the Lord knew exactly what I needed when bringing her into my life. Another thing about nursing school is you really truly have no family or social life during it. I was blessed with the love of my husband, kids and extended family during this time. I don't know where I would be without their support, so I definitely want to openly thank them for this.
During the rigors of nursing school, Jamey had family problems to deal with. I am happy to report that she persevered through the issues and is currently enjoying her RN job, and is anxiously awaiting the birth of her precious grandson. What seemed like a curse, ended up being such a Blessing.....again He has a plan! Jamey ended up repeating a couple of classes and got behind me. This forced me to forge on ahead without her and I had to prove to myself that I could do this all on my own (or so I thought at the time). During this time I was in so very much pain. My back had become so painful that I would pace around the house all night to relieve the radiculopathy (electric jolt like nerve pain) that went from my back down my legs when I tried to sit or lay down. The only thing to relieve it was motion..... albeit slow. Because narcotics made studying useless, I was taking only NSAIDS to reduce the pain. My loving husband Rod, did everything in his power to help me. I was STUBBORN! He insisted I go to the MD and then he insisted I go to a Neurosurgeon to assess the situation. My biggest fear came to light when I was told I needed immediate surgery or be paralyzed from the waist down!!!! This was the middle of January and I was going to graduate in May..... I wanted to wait until after I graduated. But no.... Feb 1st I was in the OR.
It was to be a fairly routine surgery... for the doctor... but for me, there is nothing routine about having bone from my spine removed and titanium rods put in place instead! I went into surgery and they did a 2 level laminectomy and fusion at L4-L5 and L5-S1. I lost a lot of blood during the surgery and apparently it had quite the effect on me. I remember being in the recovery room.... listening to all the machines and nurses.... I had a pain in my chest and I told them. The RN asked me to keep quite and relax, but being a nursing student, I still wanted to learn about everthing going on. Of course, I can't remember what I was asking...lol... just that I was asking about machines etc. I remember the pain getting more intense in my chest and the doctor coming back in the room and asking me questions. I was told to relax and I remember thinking to myself "this isn't too serious, they aren't doing blood tests or anything..... then they told me they were going to... and again...lol... I say to myself at least they are not getting tropnin levels ... then they were. Hmmmmm..... I remember thinking "I wish they would have let me finish my cardiac class before this surgery"!!! I ended up spending 6 or more hours in recovery because I had chest pain and inverted T waves. It was a loooong night! The next day I had numerous tests and discovered another miracle and Blessing, I had no damage to my heart! Six months later, I started the last semester of nursing school and graduated on the Deans list! I graduated in December 2007 and Jamey graduated in May 2008. We made it!
Already you can see that His hand was guiding me and supporting me through these trials and triumphs!! For all that He gave me, I did not give him credit. I thought this was all my effort and how wrong I was. Nursing school was over, but my lessons were just beginning.
The first thing I need to explain is the Exclamation Points!!! No I am not yelling! No I'm not.... nu uh.... okay, okay...sometimes I might be. More often than not, and again, those who know me can skip this part, I am merely showing enthusiasm! I am the type that is really enthusiastic, a "go getter", "Joyful and Happy". Most of the time! So the relate my "euphoria. ", I use the exclam....more than most people do. I have to laugh with people who meet me in person after meeting online..... they always say.. "You are exactly as you type"! LOL And, it's true.... I am a happy person. Oh and I like to use the lil happy faces in my posts as well.... :) . So fair warning..... my enthusiasm may be contagious, and I hope so!
What are my goals with this blog??? To share my life in a meaningful way. To have a means to review my own feelings posted and deed performed. I'm hoping this format will evolve into a place that helps others find Joy, Peace and the Love that I have found in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is awesome!! Yes... I am shouting now :)
Have I always had Jesus in my heart.... yes, ...have I always followed him, no. At times, I denied He existed, I denied Him to my children and I denied that He was the Savior of all mankind. So how could I possibly say I always had Jesus in my heart? He never gave up on me, He continued living in me and through the Holy Spirit testified to me the good in the world, He continued to provide miracles and Blessings for me and my family even when I denied Him. Of course, as a sinner who hadn't accepted His forgiveness, I continued to me lost. Not a bad person, I helped others, felt the glow of giving etc., but knew there was "something missing"... I just didn't "get it". My daugher, my firstborn whom I Love with all my heart, asked me recently about Christians. What was "it" that they had that was so different? She said that she felt kind of like she was "left out" about this. As a sinner, I scoffed it off... saying something as horrible like they were suckers for believing that story. In a time of her need, I felt my own shame at not "getting it" and because I let my pride speak instead of my heart, I denied her the gift of saying "I don't know the answer". I mocked Christ and those who followed him and for this I am so ashamed. Even as I said these things to her my conscience was already telling me I was WRONG. It would however, take weeks for this to "worry me into action".
The afternoon was ordinary.... I'd been sick with Bronchitis for 3 weeks, but holding my own. I started thinking about my daughters question to me and asked aloud "if you are real.. show me". I am most definitely a "show me the money" kind of girl! I wanted proof.... Faith, what was Faith? How could I believe in something that had no tangible qualities? I stated talking aloud to God.... questioning at first... then pleading. I found myself crying openly and asking for some answers! The thought suddenly came to me as "a tree". A Tree?? A Tree? I thought what in the world? I ask for answers and proof and I got a Tree!?? I was crying my living room, pleading for an answer and He gives me a tree! Then I suddenly understood... but for the tree, I could not see the forest. And I was able to back up and see past the tree and see this lush green forest. I actually had these images in my mind. You see, God had given me and my family so many Miracles and Blessings as proof that He is the King of Kings, the one and true God!!!
I began to realize the blessings that I'd rec'd and how He always has a plan for us. That He guides us and that All things are Blessings, we may just not realize it in right away or even in this earthly life. I'll list a few, which may seem out of order, but truly are testimony that He has a plan for us at all times.
I have arthritis in my joints and fibromyalgia that can be quite debilitating. I had been going to physical therapists to cope with the pain, but basically it was dealt with by resting most of the time and taking pain pills. I was by no means addicted or using too much meds, I just wasn't living my life and my family wasn't any happier with it either. I was using a walker to get around. I had switched to yet another physical therapist , named Lori, who has a spirit that is just awesome!! She worked on my body and her love for life was just contagious.... that I dared to ask if I could improve from the walker to a cane. Lori worked on my body and shared her cycling adventures with me. I was so excited to hear about them that I dared to dream a new existence for myself. With a couple of years of hard work, I finally was able to walk with a cane and made the big announcement that I was going to go to college and become a nurse! Everyone was supportive of me, but I knew that they weren't sure I was going to be able to do it. It was much harder than I dared even to know!
I had decided to become a LVN.... and went to the local Adult School where they teach the classes. I enrolled in the medical math class, and learned that I needed to obtain a nurses aid certificate as a pre-requisite. A local nursing home held classes that taught you how and obtain the license to do this. I had a fabulous teacher, and I wish I could remember her name, but it escapes me. She does not, she was just so nice and caring and really wanted everyone to be exceptional. Her enthusiasm for patient care stayed with me always. We went through all the classroom info and I excelled... even better than I thought I could. It was also here that I met my best friend Jamey. She is one of the kindest, smartest, loving people on this planet and I truly believe we are Spirit Sisters! Jamey kept me laughing when I was tired, filled my heart with laughter when I was weak, and provided me hope when I wanted to give up! The program was very strict. Jamey and I studied together and supported one another. We were not allowed even one absence and the one regret I have is missing my son's college graduation ceremony. I still am heavy hearted on this decision. We started clinical and I found it was really hard physically, but I had such a great joy in heart helping and caring for my patients. The love they shared with me, kept me coming back even though my body suffered and I was in great pain every night.. We were saddened to learn our instructor had a death in her family and had to leave us for a week. We had a substitute instructor and she was just as strict about the rules. The first rule was that we ALL had to be present to begin clinical..... which meant everyone waited in the parking lot until EVERYONE was there. Punctuality was demanded. I've pretty much always feared being late... so was usually one of the first people there.
One morning I was trying to get to clinical, but for some reason, my brain was not working right. I was confused I was in my car and Jamey kept calling me on the cell phone telling me they were waiting. I would tell them I am on my way... but the car was just not right, I was driving and found myself in a neighbors driveway and them looking at me like I was drunk or something. And that wouldn't have been far off the mark, but I didn't know I was reacting to a medication at the time.
The first miracle (that I am listing here anyway) was He watched over my car and kept me from running over or into anyone. How I made it there, I truly do not remember! Once there I knew something was wrong with me and I told Jamey and my classmates once I arrived to the parking lot. Our instructor went inside before us and I immediately told Jamey that I was going to have to tell the instructor that I was feeling sick, kind of like drunk though I hadn't had anything to drink or anything that I knew of that would make me feel this way. She, and all my classmates, pleaded with me not to, to just lay low and they would help me get through the day. But, the honest person I am, I told the truth and was immediately dismissed for the day. I went home and cried and cried. I finally realized that the medication I rec'd for an ear infection, plus my regular medications combined into a lil toxic stew that basically left me driving and behaving in an altered state. I am so thankful that I didn't harm anyone by driving to and from the nursing home!!! The next day, I went to the school administration with the medications in hand to plead my case. Since the instructor would decide if I could continue or not I had to wait for her to come back the following week. When she returned I went to her and explained the issue, which she said she had already heard about it. She told me that she was very upset that I was not allowed to return the following day and that she understood what had happened. She told me I was one of her very best students (I still am thankful for this compliment), but the curriculum was structured in such a manner that one couldn't miss a week and continue. I could restart the program later (which was months later) and continue. Unfortunately, the LVN class that I wanted to start had this class as a prerequisite. My heart was so sorrowful. God is so kind and loving, He brought Jamey into my life to show me the way! Jamey and I had talked about many things, one of which was her belief in Jesus Christ as her personal Savior. I was pretty much in awe of this relationship, but too prideful to admit that I didn't also have this. Jamey loved me in spite of my lack of religion. She continued to care for me and stayed in touch with me as she finished the program and got her certificate of completion. She began working at the nursing home and she would share with me the gifts she rec'd from the patients. To be honest, I was thrilled for her and a little jealous that I was missing out. I told Jamey that I was waiting to start all over again, when she asked me why I didn't just go for the Registered Nurse degree instead. Wow! Me a RN?? I truly didn't this this was an option. I dared not hope or dream with big yet. With Jamey's enthusiasm and very high hopes, I started my adventure in nursing.
Jamey and I took all our RN program pre-req's together. Oh what an adventure! We'd study together, drink gallons of starbucks and pass our classes. That makes it seem like it was a breeze, but it wasn't. It was HARD work. I learned so much, and the most surprising was that I can be a really good student! In high school I was a poor student.... C and D average. I had no ambition, and will leave the whole high school thing for another day to explain. Though here, with Jamey's encouragement I excelled. I got A's right and left and my professors would compliment not only my work, but my enthusiasm. This didn't always bode with with my classmates, but that again I will save for later. We passed all our classes and the time came for RN school. In our area, one gets into a lottery pool until you get picked. The fall class pick was done and neither Jamey or I were chosen. We licked our wounds and took even more classes so we could be eligible for the State college RN program soon too. Jamey got a letter stating she needed to report to the Nursing education office regarding a special program that was available for the first time by way of o State of CA grant. I thought my letter must still be in the mail, so went with Jamey to the nursing office. My hopes were dashed when I learned that my letter was not lost, it just wasn't sent. They had drawn the names again for the program and I wasn't picked. I was so happy for Jamey and I admit I was lustful in heart. I Love my Sister sooooooo much and was thankful that at least one of us got into the program! It was Jameys idea that I go to the classes in case someone dropped out. She figured that class was a last minute thing and someone may have trouble finding Daycare or something. So I gathered all my lists of grades, letters of reference from my professors and I went with Jamey. There was a mandatory meeting for all the future RN's and it was spelled out in great detail that the RN program is a difficult thing to do in 2 years, but that this special program would be the first to make RN's out of us in 18 months. We (or "they" at the time) would be an experiment!
I went to the first class with Jamey and tried to explain to the instructor my plans to be a back-up student, but they fell on deaf ears... only actual students could be in the room. So I waited in the hallway until I was sure nobody was leaving. Jamey called me during breaks to update me on what they learned.... and she kept up hope that it would happen for me. I was not so sure.... but she had faith! The next thing I know, Jamey is calling me telling me to hurry up, someone is dropping out.... and I raced to the school! I found that the school had already made provisions for 1 person as an alternate....and she stepped in. My heart really sank, I knew that I really was going to have to wait for the next semester to roll around and Pray I get picked. Then it happened. It was the 3rd day of class and someone couldn't get daycare....a spot opened up. Jamey again, quick to phone and I was like lightening.... I truly deserved a speeding ticket this day! I was soooooo nervous, but determined! I waited in the nursing office to speak to the Dean...who wasn't expecting my visit. I planted myself in the lobby, stating I wasn't going until I was able to speak with her. Kindly she allowed my visit and I put my shoulders back, walked in and pleaded my case for the open seat. I presented my grades, my letters of recommendation and, most importantly, my enthusiasm! Dean Drake was kind enough to hear me, and told me this was not the normal approach for nursing school. I told her, or rather pleaded with her, that I could step in and go right now. I was told that I would be expected to pick up right where they were and no leniency would be shown for my missing the previous classes. So off I went, breathless, into nursing school. No idea that this would be such a wild and wacky adventure filled with super high peaks and low, low low valleys. Jamey, the sweet sister that she is, helped me catch up. We again tackled the studying and drank gallons of coffee. :) There are a thousand blogs with nursing school tales, I will save all the details with the exception of a few. The first is that because I came in late, and with special circumstances, there were a few students who held me in contempt for getting in as I had. There were some who went to the Dean and complained so much that the Dean called me in to tell me that there were going to be fellow students who "are not your friends". I was horrified and very sad that ANYONE would be mad at me, having someone mad at me is really hard. I am the "peacemaker". So this was very difficult for me and I shed many tears trying to prove myself worthy to those who were angry. Jamey again stood by my side, and I honestly would have left had it not been for her. Again the Lord knew exactly what I needed when bringing her into my life. Another thing about nursing school is you really truly have no family or social life during it. I was blessed with the love of my husband, kids and extended family during this time. I don't know where I would be without their support, so I definitely want to openly thank them for this.
During the rigors of nursing school, Jamey had family problems to deal with. I am happy to report that she persevered through the issues and is currently enjoying her RN job, and is anxiously awaiting the birth of her precious grandson. What seemed like a curse, ended up being such a Blessing.....again He has a plan! Jamey ended up repeating a couple of classes and got behind me. This forced me to forge on ahead without her and I had to prove to myself that I could do this all on my own (or so I thought at the time). During this time I was in so very much pain. My back had become so painful that I would pace around the house all night to relieve the radiculopathy (electric jolt like nerve pain) that went from my back down my legs when I tried to sit or lay down. The only thing to relieve it was motion..... albeit slow. Because narcotics made studying useless, I was taking only NSAIDS to reduce the pain. My loving husband Rod, did everything in his power to help me. I was STUBBORN! He insisted I go to the MD and then he insisted I go to a Neurosurgeon to assess the situation. My biggest fear came to light when I was told I needed immediate surgery or be paralyzed from the waist down!!!! This was the middle of January and I was going to graduate in May..... I wanted to wait until after I graduated. But no.... Feb 1st I was in the OR.
It was to be a fairly routine surgery... for the doctor... but for me, there is nothing routine about having bone from my spine removed and titanium rods put in place instead! I went into surgery and they did a 2 level laminectomy and fusion at L4-L5 and L5-S1. I lost a lot of blood during the surgery and apparently it had quite the effect on me. I remember being in the recovery room.... listening to all the machines and nurses.... I had a pain in my chest and I told them. The RN asked me to keep quite and relax, but being a nursing student, I still wanted to learn about everthing going on. Of course, I can't remember what I was asking...lol... just that I was asking about machines etc. I remember the pain getting more intense in my chest and the doctor coming back in the room and asking me questions. I was told to relax and I remember thinking to myself "this isn't too serious, they aren't doing blood tests or anything..... then they told me they were going to... and again...lol... I say to myself at least they are not getting tropnin levels ... then they were. Hmmmmm..... I remember thinking "I wish they would have let me finish my cardiac class before this surgery"!!! I ended up spending 6 or more hours in recovery because I had chest pain and inverted T waves. It was a loooong night! The next day I had numerous tests and discovered another miracle and Blessing, I had no damage to my heart! Six months later, I started the last semester of nursing school and graduated on the Deans list! I graduated in December 2007 and Jamey graduated in May 2008. We made it!
Already you can see that His hand was guiding me and supporting me through these trials and triumphs!! For all that He gave me, I did not give him credit. I thought this was all my effort and how wrong I was. Nursing school was over, but my lessons were just beginning.
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