My first Blog..... my first post! Okay.... now what?? I guess the first thing should be an introduction, though for the people who care the most about me, an introduction isn't necessary. You will most definitely encounter grammatical and spelling errors..... especially if I get long winded. I imagine I won't always have the time to fix everything. So for this, I ask that you bear with me and be patient. :)
The first thing I need to explain is the Exclamation Points!!! No I am not yelling! No I'm not.... nu uh.... okay, okay...sometimes I might be. More often than not, and again, those who know me can skip this part, I am merely showing enthusiasm! I am the type that is really enthusiastic, a "go getter", "Joyful and Happy". Most of the time! So the relate my "euphoria. ", I use the exclam....more than most people do. I have to laugh with people who meet me in person after meeting online..... they always say.. "You are exactly as you type"! LOL And, it's true.... I am a happy person. Oh and I like to use the lil happy faces in my posts as well.... :) . So fair warning..... my enthusiasm may be contagious, and I hope so!
What are my goals with this blog??? To share my life in a meaningful way. To have a means to review my own feelings posted and deed performed. I'm hoping this format will evolve into a place that helps others find Joy, Peace and the Love that I have found in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is awesome!! Yes... I am shouting now :)
Have I always had Jesus in my heart.... yes, ...have I always followed him, no. At times, I denied He existed, I denied Him to my children and I denied that He was the Savior of all mankind. So how could I possibly say I always had Jesus in my heart? He never gave up on me, He continued living in me and through the Holy Spirit testified to me the good in the world, He continued to provide miracles and Blessings for me and my family even when I denied Him. Of course, as a sinner who hadn't accepted His forgiveness, I continued to me lost. Not a bad person, I helped others, felt the glow of giving etc., but knew there was "something missing"... I just didn't "get it". My daugher, my firstborn whom I Love with all my heart, asked me recently about Christians. What was "it" that they had that was so different? She said that she felt kind of like she was "left out" about this. As a sinner, I scoffed it off... saying something as horrible like they were suckers for believing that story. In a time of her need, I felt my own shame at not "getting it" and because I let my pride speak instead of my heart, I denied her the gift of saying "I don't know the answer". I mocked Christ and those who followed him and for this I am so ashamed. Even as I said these things to her my conscience was already telling me I was WRONG. It would however, take weeks for this to "worry me into action".
The afternoon was ordinary.... I'd been sick with Bronchitis for 3 weeks, but holding my own. I started thinking about my daughters question to me and asked aloud "if you are real.. show me". I am most definitely a "show me the money" kind of girl! I wanted proof.... Faith, what was Faith? How could I believe in something that had no tangible qualities? I stated talking aloud to God.... questioning at first... then pleading. I found myself crying openly and asking for some answers! The thought suddenly came to me as "a tree". A Tree?? A Tree? I thought what in the world? I ask for answers and proof and I got a Tree!?? I was crying my living room, pleading for an answer and He gives me a tree! Then I suddenly understood... but for the tree, I could not see the forest. And I was able to back up and see past the tree and see this lush green forest. I actually had these images in my mind. You see, God had given me and my family so many Miracles and Blessings as proof that He is the King of Kings, the one and true God!!!
I began to realize the blessings that I'd rec'd and how He always has a plan for us. That He guides us and that All things are Blessings, we may just not realize it in right away or even in this earthly life. I'll list a few, which may seem out of order, but truly are testimony that He has a plan for us at all times.
I have arthritis in my joints and fibromyalgia that can be quite debilitating. I had been going to physical therapists to cope with the pain, but basically it was dealt with by resting most of the time and taking pain pills. I was by no means addicted or using too much meds, I just wasn't living my life and my family wasn't any happier with it either. I was using a walker to get around. I had switched to yet another physical therapist , named Lori, who has a spirit that is just awesome!! She worked on my body and her love for life was just contagious.... that I dared to ask if I could improve from the walker to a cane. Lori worked on my body and shared her cycling adventures with me. I was so excited to hear about them that I dared to dream a new existence for myself. With a couple of years of hard work, I finally was able to walk with a cane and made the big announcement that I was going to go to college and become a nurse! Everyone was supportive of me, but I knew that they weren't sure I was going to be able to do it. It was much harder than I dared even to know!
I had decided to become a LVN.... and went to the local Adult School where they teach the classes. I enrolled in the medical math class, and learned that I needed to obtain a nurses aid certificate as a pre-requisite. A local nursing home held classes that taught you how and obtain the license to do this. I had a fabulous teacher, and I wish I could remember her name, but it escapes me. She does not, she was just so nice and caring and really wanted everyone to be exceptional. Her enthusiasm for patient care stayed with me always. We went through all the classroom info and I excelled... even better than I thought I could. It was also here that I met my best friend Jamey. She is one of the kindest, smartest, loving people on this planet and I truly believe we are Spirit Sisters! Jamey kept me laughing when I was tired, filled my heart with laughter when I was weak, and provided me hope when I wanted to give up! The program was very strict. Jamey and I studied together and supported one another. We were not allowed even one absence and the one regret I have is missing my son's college graduation ceremony. I still am heavy hearted on this decision. We started clinical and I found it was really hard physically, but I had such a great joy in heart helping and caring for my patients. The love they shared with me, kept me coming back even though my body suffered and I was in great pain every night.. We were saddened to learn our instructor had a death in her family and had to leave us for a week. We had a substitute instructor and she was just as strict about the rules. The first rule was that we ALL had to be present to begin clinical..... which meant everyone waited in the parking lot until EVERYONE was there. Punctuality was demanded. I've pretty much always feared being late... so was usually one of the first people there.
One morning I was trying to get to clinical, but for some reason, my brain was not working right. I was confused I was in my car and Jamey kept calling me on the cell phone telling me they were waiting. I would tell them I am on my way... but the car was just not right, I was driving and found myself in a neighbors driveway and them looking at me like I was drunk or something. And that wouldn't have been far off the mark, but I didn't know I was reacting to a medication at the time.
The first miracle (that I am listing here anyway) was He watched over my car and kept me from running over or into anyone. How I made it there, I truly do not remember! Once there I knew something was wrong with me and I told Jamey and my classmates once I arrived to the parking lot. Our instructor went inside before us and I immediately told Jamey that I was going to have to tell the instructor that I was feeling sick, kind of like drunk though I hadn't had anything to drink or anything that I knew of that would make me feel this way. She, and all my classmates, pleaded with me not to, to just lay low and they would help me get through the day. But, the honest person I am, I told the truth and was immediately dismissed for the day. I went home and cried and cried. I finally realized that the medication I rec'd for an ear infection, plus my regular medications combined into a lil toxic stew that basically left me driving and behaving in an altered state. I am so thankful that I didn't harm anyone by driving to and from the nursing home!!! The next day, I went to the school administration with the medications in hand to plead my case. Since the instructor would decide if I could continue or not I had to wait for her to come back the following week. When she returned I went to her and explained the issue, which she said she had already heard about it. She told me that she was very upset that I was not allowed to return the following day and that she understood what had happened. She told me I was one of her very best students (I still am thankful for this compliment), but the curriculum was structured in such a manner that one couldn't miss a week and continue. I could restart the program later (which was months later) and continue. Unfortunately, the LVN class that I wanted to start had this class as a prerequisite. My heart was so sorrowful. God is so kind and loving, He brought Jamey into my life to show me the way! Jamey and I had talked about many things, one of which was her belief in Jesus Christ as her personal Savior. I was pretty much in awe of this relationship, but too prideful to admit that I didn't also have this. Jamey loved me in spite of my lack of religion. She continued to care for me and stayed in touch with me as she finished the program and got her certificate of completion. She began working at the nursing home and she would share with me the gifts she rec'd from the patients. To be honest, I was thrilled for her and a little jealous that I was missing out. I told Jamey that I was waiting to start all over again, when she asked me why I didn't just go for the Registered Nurse degree instead. Wow! Me a RN?? I truly didn't this this was an option. I dared not hope or dream with big yet. With Jamey's enthusiasm and very high hopes, I started my adventure in nursing.
Jamey and I took all our RN program pre-req's together. Oh what an adventure! We'd study together, drink gallons of starbucks and pass our classes. That makes it seem like it was a breeze, but it wasn't. It was HARD work. I learned so much, and the most surprising was that I can be a really good student! In high school I was a poor student.... C and D average. I had no ambition, and will leave the whole high school thing for another day to explain. Though here, with Jamey's encouragement I excelled. I got A's right and left and my professors would compliment not only my work, but my enthusiasm. This didn't always bode with with my classmates, but that again I will save for later. We passed all our classes and the time came for RN school. In our area, one gets into a lottery pool until you get picked. The fall class pick was done and neither Jamey or I were chosen. We licked our wounds and took even more classes so we could be eligible for the State college RN program soon too. Jamey got a letter stating she needed to report to the Nursing education office regarding a special program that was available for the first time by way of o State of CA grant. I thought my letter must still be in the mail, so went with Jamey to the nursing office. My hopes were dashed when I learned that my letter was not lost, it just wasn't sent. They had drawn the names again for the program and I wasn't picked. I was so happy for Jamey and I admit I was lustful in heart. I Love my Sister sooooooo much and was thankful that at least one of us got into the program! It was Jameys idea that I go to the classes in case someone dropped out. She figured that class was a last minute thing and someone may have trouble finding Daycare or something. So I gathered all my lists of grades, letters of reference from my professors and I went with Jamey. There was a mandatory meeting for all the future RN's and it was spelled out in great detail that the RN program is a difficult thing to do in 2 years, but that this special program would be the first to make RN's out of us in 18 months. We (or "they" at the time) would be an experiment!
I went to the first class with Jamey and tried to explain to the instructor my plans to be a back-up student, but they fell on deaf ears... only actual students could be in the room. So I waited in the hallway until I was sure nobody was leaving. Jamey called me during breaks to update me on what they learned.... and she kept up hope that it would happen for me. I was not so sure.... but she had faith! The next thing I know, Jamey is calling me telling me to hurry up, someone is dropping out.... and I raced to the school! I found that the school had already made provisions for 1 person as an alternate....and she stepped in. My heart really sank, I knew that I really was going to have to wait for the next semester to roll around and Pray I get picked. Then it happened. It was the 3rd day of class and someone couldn't get daycare....a spot opened up. Jamey again, quick to phone and I was like lightening.... I truly deserved a speeding ticket this day! I was soooooo nervous, but determined! I waited in the nursing office to speak to the Dean...who wasn't expecting my visit. I planted myself in the lobby, stating I wasn't going until I was able to speak with her. Kindly she allowed my visit and I put my shoulders back, walked in and pleaded my case for the open seat. I presented my grades, my letters of recommendation and, most importantly, my enthusiasm! Dean Drake was kind enough to hear me, and told me this was not the normal approach for nursing school. I told her, or rather pleaded with her, that I could step in and go right now. I was told that I would be expected to pick up right where they were and no leniency would be shown for my missing the previous classes. So off I went, breathless, into nursing school. No idea that this would be such a wild and wacky adventure filled with super high peaks and low, low low valleys. Jamey, the sweet sister that she is, helped me catch up. We again tackled the studying and drank gallons of coffee. :) There are a thousand blogs with nursing school tales, I will save all the details with the exception of a few. The first is that because I came in late, and with special circumstances, there were a few students who held me in contempt for getting in as I had. There were some who went to the Dean and complained so much that the Dean called me in to tell me that there were going to be fellow students who "are not your friends". I was horrified and very sad that ANYONE would be mad at me, having someone mad at me is really hard. I am the "peacemaker". So this was very difficult for me and I shed many tears trying to prove myself worthy to those who were angry. Jamey again stood by my side, and I honestly would have left had it not been for her. Again the Lord knew exactly what I needed when bringing her into my life. Another thing about nursing school is you really truly have no family or social life during it. I was blessed with the love of my husband, kids and extended family during this time. I don't know where I would be without their support, so I definitely want to openly thank them for this.
During the rigors of nursing school, Jamey had family problems to deal with. I am happy to report that she persevered through the issues and is currently enjoying her RN job, and is anxiously awaiting the birth of her precious grandson. What seemed like a curse, ended up being such a Blessing.....again He has a plan! Jamey ended up repeating a couple of classes and got behind me. This forced me to forge on ahead without her and I had to prove to myself that I could do this all on my own (or so I thought at the time). During this time I was in so very much pain. My back had become so painful that I would pace around the house all night to relieve the radiculopathy (electric jolt like nerve pain) that went from my back down my legs when I tried to sit or lay down. The only thing to relieve it was motion..... albeit slow. Because narcotics made studying useless, I was taking only NSAIDS to reduce the pain. My loving husband Rod, did everything in his power to help me. I was STUBBORN! He insisted I go to the MD and then he insisted I go to a Neurosurgeon to assess the situation. My biggest fear came to light when I was told I needed immediate surgery or be paralyzed from the waist down!!!! This was the middle of January and I was going to graduate in May..... I wanted to wait until after I graduated. But no.... Feb 1st I was in the OR.
It was to be a fairly routine surgery... for the doctor... but for me, there is nothing routine about having bone from my spine removed and titanium rods put in place instead! I went into surgery and they did a 2 level laminectomy and fusion at L4-L5 and L5-S1. I lost a lot of blood during the surgery and apparently it had quite the effect on me. I remember being in the recovery room.... listening to all the machines and nurses.... I had a pain in my chest and I told them. The RN asked me to keep quite and relax, but being a nursing student, I still wanted to learn about everthing going on. Of course, I can't remember what I was asking...lol... just that I was asking about machines etc. I remember the pain getting more intense in my chest and the doctor coming back in the room and asking me questions. I was told to relax and I remember thinking to myself "this isn't too serious, they aren't doing blood tests or anything..... then they told me they were going to... and again...lol... I say to myself at least they are not getting tropnin levels ... then they were. Hmmmmm..... I remember thinking "I wish they would have let me finish my cardiac class before this surgery"!!! I ended up spending 6 or more hours in recovery because I had chest pain and inverted T waves. It was a loooong night! The next day I had numerous tests and discovered another miracle and Blessing, I had no damage to my heart! Six months later, I started the last semester of nursing school and graduated on the Deans list! I graduated in December 2007 and Jamey graduated in May 2008. We made it!
Already you can see that His hand was guiding me and supporting me through these trials and triumphs!! For all that He gave me, I did not give him credit. I thought this was all my effort and how wrong I was. Nursing school was over, but my lessons were just beginning.
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